Just Take your Top Off? - anonymous
Who needs Ozempic when you can just start dating in the Gay community.
I’ll never forget the first openly gay date I went on. Rocking up to Primrose Hill all starry eyed ready to meet (what I call boy’s now) the flavour of the month. He was around 6’4, blonde floppy hair and wearing the navy quarter zip of doom, clearly the Schoeffel had been retired for today’s meeting. We sat down at a local restaurant to begin what I thought would be the start of a lovely meal, to which he explained to me that he doesn’t “usually date chubby boys”. The posh echoes of his harsh statement still haunt me till today, and there began my journey into the realities of the body images in the gay community.
Let’s talk about Grindr, the apex predator of gay dating apps. If you fancy playing guess who with a bunch of naked torsos, then Grindr is the app for you. It’s only now 3 years deep into this coming out journey I’ve realised just how dangerous apps like these are not just mentally, but physically on my body.
“Oh sorry, not my type, I’m into skinnier boys”
“I love fat guys, more for me to grab”
“You can go down on me just don’t talk or take your clothes off”
“Would you mind shaving everything except your eyebrows as it’s a massive turn off for me”
Just some of the beautiful greetings received on apps like these. It was truly heart-breaking to realize just how toxic the community is when it comes to body standards. So, my love handles take away from my passion for old school romance? Or the fact that I have back rolls defeats my kindness and ability to make someone feel special? Cool, cool, because that’s okay. I’m sure the fact that I’m actually a good person who just wants to treat somebody right isn’t as important as having a fucking v-line.
For so long, I’ve struggled with fitting into the community because my body isn’t perfect or I’m not confident enough to take my t-shirt off during sex until I feel safe with someone, but I guess that is all down to experiences. Once upon a time there was someone who I trusted very much, to which whilst ending our time together told me “I’m just not that sexually attracted to your body anymore”. That’s okay though, I’m just gonna wear a rash vest anytime I’m swimming till the age of 96. From three-day water fasts, to excessively gyming to the point I could no longer walk (not in the way I wanted it to be) we put so much pressure on ourselves to fit into the stereotypes of what the gay community sees as acceptable.
“Why do you let your stomach shape like that around your scar?”, Oh apologies Bigshaftdaddy124, I should never have had burst appendicitis when I was 4, you’re totally right.
It’s like this never-ending cycle of constant criticism about something that in reality is often out of people’s control. The reason why I had so much weight to loose was because someone very close to me passed away when I was a teenager, that in turn caused me to stress eat a lot, and I mean a lot. I was also ill as a child which meant that I wasn’t as active in shifting my puppy fat, but don’t worry, 3 years of being gay will do it all for you.
However, in contrast to the darkness that spreads through the community when it comes to guy’s bodies, there have also been some major ‘WTF Really?’ moments. I remember once, an ex-boyfriend of mine on the first time we got naked in front of each other, sat up in front of me as I laid there and just looked at me with a smile on his face. “What’s wrong?” I worryingly exclaimed, to which he replied “I just want to appreciate you and remember how sexy your body is”. Fucking hell did I melt inside.
Things need to change, the way we talk about our bodies to ourselves and the way the community portrays body ideals is just plain wrong. Just like Martin Luther King once said “I have a dream” and I guess my dream is to just find someone that loves me for me and makes me feel safe about my body, and appreciates its beauty once and for all.
Written by anonymous
